Funny Self

I used read jokes books, watch comedy channels just to laugh, until I did two things : 1. Looking into the mirror 2. Looking back my past

Saturday, December 20, 2014

My Pay Hike...

The best way I could compare my pay is to that of Snickers chocolate bars.   :)

The hike letter was grand and impressive like Snickers wrapper... What I got in hand was like key ingredient in Snickers bar... Peanuts !!  :) :)

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Midnight Bulb !!

Once reached home very late, around midnight from work. Mom had kept some food for me.  She insisted that  I have food she prepared. Since I had dinner at my office cafe and also  at late hours, I didnt  feel like having it at home.. So asked her if I could store the food in the refrigerator.
In her half sleep, she replied." No point in keeping it in fridge now.. either you have it or... put it in dustbin..!!!"
Me and dustbin same !!! :-(

Mobile Tension

I have a habit of doing things at the last  minute and  end up getting tensed. Be it attending a function or catching  the office bus or any urgent things. In the tension, tend  lose control of myself and dont even  realize what I am doing

Its so happened once that i need reach office at 11:00 AM. It would take an hour from my home to reach office. And as usual, came out from bath at 10:15 AM :) . Got tensed and started packing my things in bag in hurry and without even checkin what was missing and what was not. I normally carry mobile in my hand.
When left home and was on my way to catch the bus... when i realized that mobile was missing. Started searching my bag, my shirt and pant pockets  but still not found. I immediately called up my dad's mobile..

Dad:" Hello...tell me"
Me: "Can you check whether my mobile is at home... check computer table... or dinning table..."
Dad: "Which mobile?.. whose mobile?.."
Me: "Mine..."
Dad:" Do you get any new mobile?..."
Me: "No.... the one i am using..."
Dad:"How are you calling now...."
Me:" From my mobile only........"
Dad: "Then which mobile are you searching for ???? !!"
Me:"????!!!!! ok.. ok..!! got it..!!!??" :D


In the tension, didnt even realize that i was holding mobile in my hand and searching for it in bag..shirt  and pant pockets !!!! :D :D
(thannai marandhu irukkum en indha nilai thaan dhayana nilaiyo... :D :D)



Sunday, November 6, 2011

My Client interaction.....


Month 1
Client: I want these 5 changes to go into production for this month
Me: Out of this 5, the fourth item is not an issue. This is how system works...
Client: This is not how the system should work.(aatha aada aarambichita...)
Me: I get your point, but based on the code this is how it works....
Client: No.This is not how the system should work. This is been there for a long time...and nobody seem to be doing anything for this.(Naanga indha system support panni oru varusham thaan aachi... pazhaya team kitta sollama.. enga kitta vandu thaali arukira..)
Me: Could u please tell me how it should be done. (Saniyane..solli thole..)
Client: See..you dont know... thats where the problem is..(
looosu..aadhan theriyaadhunu solren le...)
Me: Ok.. could u please help me fix this or suggest a way...
Client(Shouting) : Even i dont no...(adukaa indha sound..??Raaskel!!!)
Me [start slogan] : Ok.. We will analyze and get back to you..
Client : When will I see the changes... (naange eppo ninaikiromo appa thaan nee paarka mudiyum :))
Me [start slogan] : Ok.. We will analyze and get back to you at the earliest..(appa kooda adhe dialog thaan...pechu maaramatom -le)



Month 2:
Client : Where the changes that supposed to go last month....
Me [start music]: All the 4 changes are ready... we are finding challenges with one change that we discussed last time....
Me : So can we move ahead with 4 changes?.. and we could take the last change seperately...
Client(Shouting): No.. everything has to go together...(adhaan 4 tharom-le... onu kammi panna koranja pora??..indha aadi thallupadi offer illaya??? )
Me : OK...sure we will do it.... regarding the change that we discussed last time... i have sent an excel sheet with data..
Client: That is all wrong....thats of no use to me.. ( Ne irundhaa kooda thaan yaarukum use ella... naange edhavudhu solroma???..)
Client : See this how i want you to do it...
(oh..solution kodukura alavukku nee avalav periya appatuckera??)
Client : blah... blah... blah... ok..got it? (Ennala mudiyile..[Put phone on Mute]...)
Me [rising BP]:???!!! (oru maasathula 5 cR pogurathu solution ketta... oru CR-kku 5 maasam edukira maaadhiri solution solre... naadhaari..)
Me [pointing finger to myself] :(idhu unnnaku thevaiya??...unna evanda solution ketka sonna??!!!...)
Me: Thanks...I have made note of this... we will implement and get back to you...
Client : When will this happen? (indha loosu thaanama solution koduthutu...eppo-nu kelvi vera??? Indha solution implement panna sollalam.... pannamaatom-le.. pinna eppidi solradhu??? ;-) )
Me [start music]: Ok.. We will analyze and get back to you at the earliest..(Eppudi:))



Month 3:
Me : The agenda is to discuss the changes for this month.. (Nakkal pudicha Naai.. enna pesudhu paaru!!! ;-))
Client [Shouting]: Where the changes that supposed to go last month... its already been 2 months...blah.. blah
(
Why tension? cool downn.... cool down... cool down... Be happy.... ;-))
Client : Where the changes that supposed to go last month...
Me [start music]: All the 4 changes are ready... but we some challenges in implementing it.. actually what happened was... blah.. blah.. blah...(
nee maatum thaan kadhai solviya...naanum thaan solven...)
Client [Shouting]: This is frustrating... blah..blah... blah...
My Manager: We apologize for the delay... we are also parallel lookin for alternative solution...we have talked to highest level to get this resolved.. please bear with us... (indha kadai eppo nadandhadhu...???)
Client: OK..
Me [start music]: Out of these 4 can make move the 2 changes for this month... and since there is a dependency the other 2 can go separately...
(eppudi enga idea...??)
Client: OK..so is it available for test now..?? (ennama.. takku-nu ketaa ena solradu..inimel thaan adhan 2 CR start pannanum...)

Me: Yes...we are in the final stages of testing.. and we will be ready by tomorrow.. we will drop an email...(ennalam solli samaalike vendiyathu irukku... ippave kanna kattudhe.... dey raasa..andha 2 CR start pannunga pa....)
Client: I will be expecting it..
(panniko... so what??)
Me: Sure... thanks for your time...
My Manager: Thanks for your understanding....(idhu oru extra bit!!!)



(After few days...finally provide changes for testing)
Me
: Can we move this to production tomorrow...?
Client: No.. i want 2 weeks to test...(nee fail-nu thaan sola pora...adhu 2 weeks venuma.. ippa ve sollu)
(After a week..)
Client: I want to make this change...Please make the change and let me know.. (sethaanda sekar!!!)


Month 4:
Client [Shouting]: Where the changes that supposed to go last month... its already been 3 months
...(nee change pannum sonnadhu nethu... odane 3 months-nu dialogaa..)
Me : Actually... as per the process.....blah blah.. (
poi sonna bojanam kidaikaadhu.... naan solra poikku marana patni thaan :0)
Client [Shouting]: Where are the other changes... ?
My Manager(Same bit): We apologize for the delay... we are also parallel lookin for alternative solution...we have talked to highest level to get this resolved.. please bear with us... (
adhe dialog... same last month..!.)

(After few days.. 2 changes are implemented in production)
Month 5:
Client [Shouting]: Where the changes that supposed to go last month... its already been 4 months... I have got one urgent change.. this needs to implemented now....
(now-aa??...ennadhu idhu sinna pulla thanama irukku....idhu enna change-a ella omlette-a??)
Me : Actually... as per the proces..... blah.. blah... (eva kitta pesi pesi.. ennakku BP eruthupa...) so we can club this change make make it as 3 changes.. will that be ok??
Client [Shouting]: OK... when will it be?
(thirupi paaru...ippodhaane sonnen...late agum-nu)
Me: This week...(
dey raasa.. velai panna arambigada!!!)
(Finally provide changes for testing)
Client : OK... out of 4 changes only 2 passed... move them to production... (indha maadiri.. agambaavam....aanavam...thalaiganam ellame... edhu work aacho.. adhe production-ku pogasolradhu evlo nalla irukku? Idhu thaan oru nalla client-kku alagu.. adha vittu-tu.. everythings should go-nu sonna... eppdi thaan agum...)


After sign off..Out of 4 changes... all the 4 are implemented...(Client fail sollita.. naange ketkenuma..??? Naange sonna nee ketiya...?? naange 4 changes pannanum-nu commit aayita.. thirumba roll-back pannave maatom...:) )!!!
Avan.. avan 10000 users vechitu problem ellama irukkan.... indha oru user vechitu naan padura paadu irukke......


Monday, March 30, 2009

Dumb and Dumber

This happened during my college days. Though I was doing my MCA, I was still innocent (some may say... ignorant!) I had bought a new computer and I didn’t take the risk of exploring all the functionalities- What if it gets into problem? Who will help me? All money will be lost! Spend around 40K for the complete system including the accessories so handled it delicately. Whenever I change any of the settings, I make sure I reset the setting after use!
Coming to the matter... Once all my friends had get-together and decided to watch “Dumb and Dumber” movie in my comp. The movie started. The video clarity was good but they said volume was very low. I increased the volume of the speakers. There wasn’t much change. They asked me to check the settings. I told them I used to watch the movies before and I never had problems. I told them volume will be better if : They come closer to the speakers, sit quietly without making noise, not to talk during the dialogues and if they still cant hear, they can read the subtitle !!!!!
So such a sweet friends they were- they almost did what I had them to do. But still no effect! Almost irritated, one my friends checked the Volume Settings function. Guess what - it was very low… almost to the lowest point!! I forgot to reset the volume settings after use!!:-(
Finally, they were laughing, commenting and enjoying watching the Dumb & Dumber – definitely NOT the movie! :-)

A Cricketing Genius

I am great cricketer but nobody understands it. But people feel that might be a potential threat to rules of the game. In spite of having so many credits to my name (as shown below), nobody seems to take me in their team

:-) Introducing new Bowling type (Wide Bowling): Just 4-6 balls per over goes wide.

:-) After first 3 balls, the batsman change his position and strategy - Not for getting runs, but atleast to touch the ball

:-) Always bowled the longest over for my team - Whenever I (wide) bowl, they said I should bowl again. So I end up bowling atleast 12 ball per over.

:-) Fast Bowling - Whenever I try fast bowling the position of everyone changes - Wicketkeeper stands near the boundary, batsman moves few inches away from the stumps (leaving it uncovered)

:-) Bowling Bouncers - With full power, the ball did bounce high, not few inches from the batsman, but few inches from me. It didn’t even reach half the pitch!

:-) Medium pace - It worked perfect for me and batsman - I bowl exactly to his bat and he hit it exactly to the boundary for a 4 or 6 but not more than that. So in the best interest of my team, I gave up medium pace.

:-) Spinning bowling (all types!!): I know that you need to spin the ball and realize slowly. I did do that and it did hit. Not the stumps, but wicket keepers head!

:-) Batsman's frustration - In international cricket, it’s the bowler who gets frustrated with the batsman when he hits the ball. In my case the batsman get frustrated with the (only) bowler- Me!!

:-) Challenge the cricket rules - Usually it’s the bowling team who runs behind the ball. But whenever I (wide) bowl, it’s the batsman who runs moves here and there, jump to reach the ball, atleast to touch it.

:-) I am a match winner - Yes. Most of the time, the opponent always wins :-)

:-) True sportsmanship - Usually there is tension associated with game as who is going to win. When I walk with ball or bat in my hand, atmosphere becomes light - everyone starts laughing!!! :-)

Tragedies with Tele-Customer Service Representative(s)

Your name please?

(Mobile rang)
Me: Hello!
Customer Service Representative (CSR): Sir, we are calling from ABC bank. Can I have 2 minutes of your time please?
(I am decent guy and a naive too and I just got my new mobile!)
Me: Sure
CSR: Sir, we have this plan... blah... blah...blah. My I know your age please
Me: 25
CSR: Are you salaried or self-employed?
Me: Salaried
CSR :May I know your annual salary?
Me: Rs.2.5 lakhs
(After answering all questions, revealing almost all my personal information, except the moles on my body…)
CSR: Why don’t you take this plan A?
Me: I am not planning to invest anything now.
CSR: Why sir? Then take this plan B na… this is very useful for you.
Me: Thank you, but I am not interested
CSR: Then at least take this low cost plan C?
Me: Sorry, but I am not interested
CSR: Then ok sir….Then atleast tell me your name?
Me: !!!!??


Who is to be blamed?

(My mobile rang)
Me: Hello!
CSR: Sir, we are calling on behalf of ICICI bank. Can I have 2 minutes of your time please?
(I am still a decent fellow)
Me: Sure
CSR: Sir, We are offering a ICICI Silver Credit card....
(Even though I didn’t have a credit card, I decided to handle them in an intelligent way)
Me: Thank you. But I have already have taken the ICICI credit card!J
CSR: Why and who asked you to take the card before? (Phone bangs)
Me: ???!!!

Birthday Blast or Blasted Birthday!

Once I failed to pay my mobile bill even after the deadline .The customer service representative reminded me for 2 days after the due date and yet I failed to pay.
Unexpectedly, they deactivated my line. No incoming. No outgoing. It was dead
Realized this when I reached home around 9 PM. Since customer service was 24x7, I decided to call later. I was desperate – ‘Cos the next day happened to by birthday and I was expecting a call from my sister abroad.

I called them around 10:15 PM.
Desperately, I tried to reach them thrice and finally got them the fourth time. After all the initial verification, the fun started. I told them about the problem.
CSR: Wait a minute Sir, let me check. Can I put u on hold please?
Me: Sure
(Music)
CSR: The system is slow now; can you please hold Mr. Naresh.?
Me: Sure. I am willing to wait
(Music)
CSR: Thanks for being on line Mr. Naresh. Looks like you haven not paid this bill this month?
Me: Oh... yes… I remember. Actually, I was out of station for past one week and reached home only now...
CSR: I understand Sir, but there is nothing I could do now?
(I was getting desperate and irritated and started cursing myself)
Me: Can you please help on this?
CSR: Let me talk to my lead, please hold on?
(Music started and so did my blood pressure)
CSR: Thanks for being on line Mr. Naresh.(dey ethinivaati da solluve)
There is nothing we could do? ( goyaala.. idhu sollava phone-a hold-le potte.. !)
Me: hmm I guess…there should be some technical way in the backend where you can make the changes. Rite? (I am also a technical guy…aahn!)
CSR: Let me talk to my lead, please hold on? (vendaam da...)
Me: Sure (pottu thola..!!)
(Music)
(I could hear music and also sound of my breath - I was reaching its peak of frustration)
CSR: Thanks for being on line Mr. Naresh.(dey.. vandaam da..)
The technical people have left by 8:00 PM sir. I am sorry that we may not be able to help you?

(Tech guys must be a lucky lot. We used stay in office to resolve issues !!!)
Me: You mean nothing can be done. Tomorrow is my birthday ….and I m expecting a call from abroad!
CSR: Wish you a very happy Birthday Mr. Naresh. There nothing we could do!! Is there anything we cud do for you (solution koduda-na vaazhthu solraan..Raaskel!!)
Me: No (Oru mannum vendaam…un office-e puttitu poi thola!)
CSR: Thank u for calling customer support. Have a great day! Happy birthday once again!
Me :(in silence) @#$^$%^%^&%*()